Diary: #mumguilt

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This post was written on Sunday 19th February 2017.

I don’t feel like I’ve been a brilliant mother today. I haven’t been a bad one by any means. But #mumguilt means any day where you don’t emulate Mary Poppins makes you feel a little inadequate.

Elliott and his dad went to their swimming class this morning. They go every Sunday. I used to go to watch but now silly poolside rules means I can only go once a month when it’s my turn on the rota.

I always think I’m going to use the time when Mr H and Elliott are out to chill out. Maybe read a book, drink endless cups of tea, paint my nails. I never do this though. I’m always running around trying to get one step ahead. You would think I would be a whole postal code ahead of myself the amount of tasks I try to tick off the list in the hope of feeling as though I was getting close to completing something, anything. Alas, I always feel as though I’m one step behind – sometimes more.

This morning I made myself another cup of coffee and set to today’s to do list.

  • Reply to messages – I’m awful at replying to texts and Whatsapp messages in my head, so I have to go through once a day to make sure I haven’t missed anything!
  • Sort finances – again doing it daily helps with my sanity!
  • Check emails – I do this daily too to keep on top of things and in the vain hope that some amazing opportunity has pinged into my inbox overnight.
  • Washing – yep, today I have washed mine and Mr H’s clothes, our bedsheets, the steam mop head, Elliott and Mr H’s swimming gear and there’s a set of towels on the go now too.
  • Ironing – just one top this week, thank goodness.
  • Clean microwave – its once a week deep clean.
  • Change bedding.
  • Milestones photos/videos – this is more of an as and when, but I did film a cute video of Elliott at breakfast so I got that uploaded and added to the blog post I’m looking to use it in.
  • Meter readings to Scottish Power – I called them only to discover that they’re going to estimate our bill anyway?!
  • Mop – Anyone else find steam mopping therapeutic?
  • Promote blog post – It was this one in case you’re interested.
  • Plan Elliott’s favourite books blog post
  • Plan week
  • Think about Mother’s Day plans, as well as plans for my birthday and write my birthday list to get Mr H off my back
  • Meal planning
  • Make lunch
  • Make dinner
  • Wash up from lunch
  • Have a shower and cut my Gruffalo toe nails and shave my Gruffalo legs

I didn’t do all of this before Mr H and Elliott got home obviously and I did do other things too, like participating in the #mblogchat, drinking hot chocolate and eating too many Lindt chocolates. One thing I didn’t do much of was playing with Elliott. Sure, there was a brief stint of playing with lego, before I had to confiscate the bricks because he was throwing them at the TV and, OK, he clambered on me after dinner in that way that only toddlers can. We did play football a little bit too. And we played with his shape sorter…

And this my friends it what pisses me off sometimes about being a mum. Most of the tasks that I completed on my to do list were for the benefit of my family – either feeding us, making sure our home is nice and clean to live in, keeping a roof over our head… So, although I wasn’t directly caring for Elliott – I was – simply by carrying out those tasks. And, when I look back, I did play with him. OK so we didn’t do a structured activity like going to the park or painting, but we sat and we played, albeit for short periods. So, in both senses I was looking after my child. But the rule of #mumguilt means that no matter what you do; how you do it; or how much you do your brain will never think it’s enough. It will never be satisfied and it will send the dreaded ‘bad mum’ signal into your mind.

I really want to say fuck #mumguilt, I really do. But alas it lingers…

Any tips?

 

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